My life still is divided into "before" chemo and "after." Before chemo, I had lightening fast reflexes and a mind that juggled ideas and tasks like a flying Karamozov. I had the energy of ten Grinches plus two. Wonder Woman has nothing' on me.
But the "new normal" in my life is that sometimes I can't find the word for the simplest things: like that place you go to buy food (grocery). I clean my tiny condo over a course of days (instead of in two hours on Saturday morning). I have to say "no, i can't" even when I want to help with all my heart.
Lest you think I'm whining and crying for pity, let me also tell you that thanks to the new normal I now appreciate the smallest details of every single day in ways I didn't know existed when I was juggling and racing around to beat the band. I see sunsets of pink on June evenings that would've gone ignored. I listen to music (like Carlos Santana on guitar) with an appreciation of a deaf soul who's been blessed with hearing. I pray in words I didn't know existed.
It still challenges me when I have to say 'no' when I want to 'yes.' Thank you, Meggie, for understanding why I don't have the energy to make the trip over for your only baby shower this weekend. I'll be with you in spirit. Thank you, Marty, for understanding when I only realized it was your birthday yesterday while I was eating breakfast and it was far too late to send a card.
I love my life. I love sitting here watching the sun come up, seeing Boo roll around in the warm sunbeams, listening to the birds come awake. This new normal is not what I would have chosen but is exactly what I need.
Peace & love.