join me on the path

baby love, my baby love

I met my granddaughter, Jillian, this afternoon and it was love at first sight. Jillian looks almost identical to what her mama (my daughter) looked like when she was born, and a flood of fond memories of that day more than 26 years ago when I went through labor and welcomed a baby girl into the world came rushing over me. I remembered, too, how hard it was to be the new mama!

Dear God, please help me be of maximum service to this new little family while I'm here staying with them, and always. And thank you for the gift of Jillian.

Megan and Jillian (at left) on day one. Jillian had been handed around to visitors and was getting fussy, but putting on her mama's chest she instantly relaxed and blissed out.

(Below) That is the look of pure love.

May peace be upon us all

patiently I wait

What else can a writer do but write as she awaits the announcement of her first granddaughter's birth?  I sit here 120 miles away from the hospital where in minutes my only daughter will be taken to surgery and a c-section performed to birth my first grandchild into the world.  And so, I blog.

I'll make a list of the details about this day for the grandbaby:
1. I woke up and had coffee with peanut-butter-and-jelly on crackers for breakfast
2. Checked the weather radar and it looks like thunderstorms over the city where the baby will be born
3. Boo is sitting out on the balcony, oblivious the momentous occasion (Boo is my cat)
4. It's Wednesday, July 15, 2009
5. Gas prices are around $2.40/gallon
6. Your parents, little one, are both 26 years old.
7. I'll be there to visit you this afternoon and plan to stay for a few days to help your parents get settled at home.
8. Barack Obama is the president of the United States of America.
9. You're going to be raised to be a Colts fan (unless your PapPap can convert you to a Steelers fan!).
10. You have two cats, a dog and a hedgehog at home eagerly awaiting your arrival.
11. You are already abundantly loved!
12. I plan to help you wage peace in the world.

I can't concentrate on the words right now. Going to send another prayer up for good help and good health. Traveling mercies, sweet baby, as you make your way here!

the sun is up, the sky is blue

The wedding of Erin & Brandt Schurenberg was June 27 and it was beautiful! That's me smiling at my son-in-law and daughter (who made the trip over from Indy for the special occasion). We thought my daughter was still a month away from delivering her first child but we just found out that the baby will be making her earthly appearance this Wednesday 7/15 via c-section. All is well right now with mama and baby, and we're all excited about the birth! Yes, dear readers, I'll be a grandma in about 4 days ... woohoo!

Please, if there's room in your prayers, will you ask for good help and good health for both Megan and the baby?

It's a sunny Saturday and I'm off to garden at Randy's mom's house. She's laid up after shoulder surgery and hasn't been able to garden, and I love the opportunity to play in the dirt. I'm installing a perennial flower bed in front of the house today.

Hope the sun is shining on your heart today.  Peace & love to y'all.

random ramblings on the first day of july

• Where did June go? How can it possibly be the first day of July?

• Baby Bull is due in a month

• I AM going to see Jackson Browne when he comes to Cincinnati in a few weeks

• It's a 4-day work week and so today is like my Thursday

• With all due respect, enough about Jacko—let him rest in peace

• It was cool enough to sleep with the windows open last night. That's a gift

• Love all, serve all

• I'm moving in the direction of my dreams

• The hummingbirds are dive bombing Boo on the balcony as I type this

• Make today count

peace & love

oh, happy day

This coming weekend is the wedding of my dear friend E. She and I have lived a lot of life together in the decade we've been friends, and I'm honored to have been asked to stand as a bridesmaid with her this coming Saturday as she makes her vows to love, honor and cherish Brandt.

In our mobile society, people come and go from our lives with regularity as their lives take them to different states or countries, or we move elsewhere for whatever reasons pull us onward on the path. But occasionally a friend enters our lives and though we don't realize it in the moment of meeting, that person becomes a permanent part of our village.

E is one of those of friends. We met about a decade ago at Women Writing for (a) Change. We were in small group together there and we shared our writings and our lives. She made me laugh like no else could and she was able to create titles for my pieces when I was at a loss. From those small circles we stepped into each others' larger circle of life—my daughter calls her Aunt Erin. E likes to remind Megan (my daughter) that she remembers when Megan was a teenager in love with the Backstreet Boys.

Oh, how far we've come from those days when Meg was dreaming of boy rock stars, and E and I were struggling to figure just what we were doing with our wild and precious lives. Megan is married and expecting her first child in a about six weeks, and she and her husband will be here for E's wedding this weekend. E will marry for the first (and hopefully last!) time on Saturday and will turn 41 on Sunday. And I am ever grateful to be alive and healthy to share in these milestone life events with two of my favorite women.

Oh, happy day.

hot fun in the summertime

It's the official first day of summer and I'm headed to the woods for a hike. It's been quiet here on the path because I've been resting and recuperating from the most recent round of Rituxin. All is well; this is preventative medicine.

A quick update before I hit the trails:

The container garden is in full bloom. It's wonderful to drink my coffee among the blossoms every morning.

Baby Bull is due in about 5-6 weeks. Please keep her in your prayers for a safe and healthy arrival.

E's wedding is next weekend and I'm looking forward to the celebration and to being a bridesmaid.

Peace & love

in search of

In search of my mother's garden

I found my own.
               
                ~Alice Walker

lustfully I am

knowingI don't need one

feeling like I want one

and that I want it now

I love you, Steve Jobs.

new normal

My life still is divided into "before" chemo and "after."  Before chemo, I had lightening fast reflexes and a mind that juggled ideas and tasks like a flying Karamozov. I had the energy of ten Grinches plus two. Wonder Woman has nothing' on me.

But the "new normal" in my life is that sometimes I can't find the word for the simplest things: like that place you go to buy food (grocery). I clean my tiny condo over a course of days (instead of in two hours on Saturday morning). I have to say "no, i can't" even when I want to help with all my heart.

Lest you think I'm whining and crying for pity, let me also tell you that thanks to the new normal I now appreciate the smallest details of every single day in ways I didn't know existed when I was juggling and racing around to beat the band. I see sunsets of pink on June evenings that would've gone ignored. I listen to music (like Carlos Santana on guitar) with an appreciation of a deaf soul who's been blessed with hearing. I pray in words I didn't know existed.

It still challenges me when I have to say 'no' when I want to 'yes.' Thank you, Meggie, for understanding why I don't have the energy to make the trip over for your only baby shower this weekend. I'll be with you in spirit. Thank you, Marty, for understanding when I only realized it was your birthday yesterday while I was eating breakfast and it was far too late to send a card.

I love my life. I love sitting here watching the sun come up, seeing Boo roll around in the warm sunbeams, listening to the birds come awake. This new normal is not what I would have chosen but is exactly what I need.

Peace & love.

it's never too late

For many years I made decisions without thought or concern for others. The instant gratification of getting what I thought I wanted fueled remorse and regret that ran so deep that I couldn't find my way out of the mire. And being so stuck in it, I'd usually make yet another decision (that was really more of a reaction) to try and get myself out of whatever complication in which I found myself.

There wasn't much peace in my heart or soul in, and many innocent bystanders were injured by my self-centered ways. In recent years I've found myself living on my own and finding the courage to look honestly at my past and to clear up the wreckage. Not an easy chore, but the results have brought peace to my heart and soul. And it's true in my case that it's never too late to be the person you always wanted to be.

Peace be upon us all.