join me on the path

deck the halls

This year we changed things up in our house when it came to decorating the Christmas tree. We put up a real tree rather than the artificial. There are only lights and glass ornaments. Well,there are mostly all glass ornaments, but there are a few classic ornaments from years gone by decorating the pine-scented branches. The oldies but goodies.

I couldn't resist hanging the Peace star next to the classic pipe-cleaner heart created by my daughter so many years ago. These two ornaments are situated right in the front of the tree, and proclaim my heartfelt wish for all: peace & love.

And every year for 19 years, this handmade beauty has adorned our tree. Yes, Megan, there is a Santa Claus—and he surely would overlook our home if we didn't put this paper circle adorned with pink-straw hanger and dazzling gold garland in a place of honor. And so it shines as a symbol of happy Christmases gone by and the many more to come.

From our house to yours, Boo (the Christmas cat up there in the first photo) and I wish you and yours peace & love in abundance.

advent calendars & traditions

When I was a child, my grandmother (whom we called Oma) each holiday season sent me an advent calendar from Germany. My grandparents were Romanian and lived out their lives in Germany. That German-made advent calendar was a holiday treat I loved.

So when I found German-made advent calendars for sale at an antique shop in a nearby town, I began buying them each year for my daughter. Now I have the good fortune to share the tradition with the Bean (my granddaughter).

As the family tree grows, and our roles change, I'm realizing that many of the traditions that used to be my responsibility have changed hands. I used to spend most of November shopping and wrapping gifts so that Christmas morning would feel all the more special—toys and presents were saved for birthdays and Christmas. December brought with it the baking, candy making and house decorating.

Now that I'm Nana (not just Mom), the torch has passed to my daughter. She and my son-in-law are beginning their own holiday traditions, and I couldn't be happier for us all. Just when the thought of all that shopping, wrapping, baking and decorating sounds exhausting rather than exhilarating, the duty has passed into the eager hands of my daughter.

The family tree will always grow, and with that growth comes welcome change. May your holiday season be bright and beautiful.

peace & love

big day today

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. Well, that's a silly start to this post but I'm feeling giddy at the fact that today is the first day of my last round of chemo! It's been 2.5 years since I was diagnosed, and the worst of the battle ended in August of 2007. That's when I finished up 5 months of a treatment called CHOP+R—a wicked chemo "cocktail" that left me bald, bloated from steroids AND cancer free!

The R in that mix stands for Rituxan which is the drug I've been continuing to receive at 6-month intervals. It's a kind of preventive medicine; a mono-clonal antibody that recognizes cancer cells and then covers and smothers them so the cancer doesn't grow. I know other patients who received this relatively new drug and who remain cancer-free still. I even had an opportunity to meet one of the chemists who works on the drug out in California and was thrilled to be living proof that her work was making a positive difference in the fight against cancer.

Treatment days are long and emotional. Returning to the treatment suite is packed with triggers—seeing so many others fighting the good fight is both heartwarming and heartbreaking. But I'm blessed to be among the survivors, and my gratitude for each new sunrise comes straight from my heart.

So, dear friends, if you'll saddle up one more time and join my prayer posse I thank you most sincerely. The positive thoughts, good vibes and prayers have been some of the best medicine of all.

peace & love

thanks. giving.

My friend @punkrockgardens inspired this post's title: thanks. giving. When we practice a little more of both there seems to be peace and happiness in abundance.

So on this day before Thanksgiving, here's a partial list of that for which I'm thankful:

1. My job working on Horticulture—getting paid to write about gardening is a dream come true

2. This forum where I can share the gifts and challenges of life's journey with like-minded souls

3. Chocolate

4. Watching the sunrise with a big cup of coffee in hand and a purring cat on my lap

5. Friends who form my tribe and who are willing to share the struggles as well as the successes

6. The opportunities to be a mother, grandmother, sister and aunt

7. Good books and the big comfy couch

8. Long walks in the woods

9. Today

peace & love

photo by marissa bowers

elusive balance

In my yoga practice I seek to find balance. Whether it's in tree pose or warrior II, I attempt to align my body with the planet so that I am firmly grounded without gripping. Occasionally I find that which I seek, and in the moments that I stand strong I feel the utter lightness and joy of balance. There is no thought, no try; there is simply beautiful balance.

And then the moment passes and my brain clicks off to worrying about the bills or a project at work. Or my leg muscle begins to burn in warrior II and I disconnect from the beauty and let the discomfort take control. But I've accomplished, at least, thinking of those moments not as failures but as a natural part of my practice. Always I remember this mantra: progress not perfection.

Today I'm practicing not 'wanting' more, but rather being grateful for what I have. It's a challenge in the face of the media blitz as retailers and manufacturers launch their push to buy-buy-buy for the holidays. It's so easy to get sucked in, and I have a knack for wanting things that I rationalize I "need" and therefore often justify the purchase. When that happens I immediately feel off balance.

I particularly feel off balance when I start to think I have power over other people and their actions or reactions. Whether it's a coworker, friend, sibling, off-spring or stranger on the street, I'm guilty (often) of a similar "media blitz" to get what I want. I'm practicing awareness of this and saying the mantra: progress not perfection.

Just for today I'm seeking balance with the planet and balance with my tribe members.

Namaste

call the wahmbulance

Today I'm wallowing in self-pity. That's right, it's a pity party and you're invited. What is it that I have to feel oh-so-sorry-for-myself about?

1. I can't get a response from darling daughter (who's a new mother, mind you, with a baby who has tummy troubles)

2. I have money woes (as if I'm the only one, eh?)

3. I'm tired (and the laundry still needs done, grocery shopping is a must, bills need to get paid, the bathroom is filthy)

But I am grateful for this blog, it's the place where it's all about me, me, me, me. And I know how to put a fast stop to the party: a gratitude list.

1. I'm grateful for my job—and that it's a job I love

2. I'm grateful for my good health and that I remain cancer-free

3. I'm grateful for my extended family

4. I'm grateful for my sister Cathy who lives just a stone's throw from my home and is always willing to schlep me around when I need a lift

5. I'm grateful for the Bean and her parents

6. I'm grateful for my home

7. I'm grateful you took the time to visit here today and to read all the way to here

Wishing you peace on the path

very superstitious

In honor of this Friday the 13th in November (which feels all the more spooky) I'll share with you some of the superstitions my Romanian-born mother taught me:

1. If you raise your hand to your mother/parent, when you die your arm will grow out of your grave

2. Those white, crescent-shaped bruises on your nail beds appear when you tell a lie (I had a lot them)

3. Garlic will keep vampires (who are very real—she'd seen the real Count Dracula's castle) away

4. Running your feet (yes, feet) under hot then cold water after sex will prevent pregnancy (obviously my siblings and I are living proof to avoid this tidbit; and in all fairness, she really just told us this story as a way NOT to practice birth control)

5. "Red in the morning, sailors take warning; red at night, sailors' delight." We lived in Ohio, a landlocked state and I didn't realize this was about the weather until I was 17

6. If you spill salt you must throw a pinch of the spilled salt over your left shoulder (or your right? I was never sure so I did both just to be on the safe side)

It seemed like there were far more than these, but this is all I have for your today. My mother crossed over to the next life in 1995, and she's buried in our hometown cemetery. There is no arm growing from her grave.

God bless you, Herta Renges Craft. Your love and quirky view of the world helped make me the woman I am today. Peace & love

thoughts for today

Some days I need to repeat a litany of positive thoughts just to keep myself headed in the direction of peace and love. Here are some I'm using today:

1. I'd rather be happy than right

2. I am powerless over people (which I say instead of: People are no damn good)

3. Let go

4. When people show you who they are, believe them ~Maya Angelou

5. I choose love today (over fear)

6. Hey, you're ok, you'll be fine, just breathe

7. Maybe the hokey-pokey IS what it's all about

What phrases work for you?

peace & love

we are family

My writing mentor, Mary Pierce Brosmer, recently published a book about how the writing school she founded 17 years ago came into being. That school is called Women Writing for (a) Change (WWf(a)C) and I was one of the women who sat in the Tuesday-night circle during the early years of the school. There in the circle I wrote a self-published book entitled Mother Across Miles—a collection of personal essays crafted for my daughter as a high-school graduation gift. I met friends with whom I still write and grow. I found my voice and my resolve to embrace the believe that: my wings are made of words.

Reconnecting with Mary through the writing school happened by chance. One day I was standing inside a dry-cleaner paying my bill when I glimpsed Mary pass on the sidewalk outside. I ran out the door and called after her in the only name I knew for her: Mrs. Brosmer! She stopped and turned and recognized me immediately even though it had been more than 15 years since I'd sat in her creative writing class (me as a student, she as the teacher) at Milford High School.

Mary's book is Women Writing for (a) Change: A Guide to Creative Transformation. I attended a book release party at the writing school this past weekend and listened to Mary speak. I marveled that by the grace of God or the Fates that she and I remain connected by that which captures our passion—writing.

Mary explained that soon she'll be moving her office space out of the center of the school and turning much of the running of the business over to those women who have "grown up" in the practices and beliefs that she has passed along. Mary, as "mother" of WWf(a)C acknowledged the need of all good mothers to move out of the way of their offspring; the need to allow our children the room to spread their wings even as we provide the roots of their connection to us no matter how far they fly.

It was exactly the message I needed to hear, exactly when I needed it most. Dear Mary, thank you for the many gifts you've given me over more than 30 years of my life. Your love, wisdom, guidance, encouragement and passion have helped me grow toward becoming the woman I've always wanted to be.

peace & love

a week in the life

1. Watch the wonder on the Bean's face as she celebrates her first Halloween (and remember when the Bean's mama was a little trick-or-treater, marveling all the while at the circle of life)

2. Run the work race and finish with a fist-pump of success

3. Spend time with girlfriends laughing, crying, plotting, planning and growing

4. Practice downward dog and warrior II, knowing my life depends on it

5. Pray that I know what the next right thing is

peace & love