join me on the path

i want it that way

I love my iPod. This morning I've been serenaded by the Backstreet Boys, Eric Clapton, Ryan Adams, Dar Williams, Jimi and Carlos Santana.

Music hath charms to soothe the savage breast indeed.

Let the music carry you today.

peace & love

love friday

what is love

love is all we need

the greatest of these is love

love me, love my dog

crazy little thing called love

how do I love thee, let me count the ways

love shack

love is free

for the love of money is the root of all evil

choose love

choose love

choose love

from the treatment suite

This photo was taken in August of 2007 during my last round of chemo. That was nearly two years ago and it's a cliche, but time flies. Since the day this photo was snapped, here's what's happened:

1. My cancer has gone into remission (and seems to be staying there)
2. Megan (my only child) married ... and bought her first home with her hubby and is now pregnant with their first child
3. The scrapbooking magazine I worked on then is no longer being published and I'm now working on Horticulture (with a dream team!)
4. My dear friend E got engaged and is getting married next month. I'm a bridesmaid (always a bridesmaid, never a ...)
5. I'm back to practicing yoga every day but not back to teaching yet
6. I had a serious relationship that was a bit of a whirlwind ... it seems to have ended before it really got to put down roots

There's so much more day-to-day goodness that's occurred but the point is that I'm finally positive—almost two years later—that THIS IS the new normal of my life. Cancer, and surviving it, are a big part of the equation that makes me 'me.' I like living each day as if it may be my last, because then I don't put off the important stuff.

Because I know that in the blink of an eye years will fly by, our babies will be grown up and gone, and if I don't make every effort every day to make my dreams come true then I'll only have myself to blame. Today I was back in the treatment suite receiving an amazing drug called Rituxin. It recognizes cancer cells at their earliest formation and smothers them. I'll have to get this infusion once a week for four weeks. Then I'll do the whole routine again in another six months.

Being in the treatment suite is an exercise in riding the waves of one's emotions. No matter how often I go, I'm always anxious before I arrive. Seeing all the nurses, whose names I've come to know and whose lives have been full of changes in the two years since I've known them, is reassuring. Watching a new patient crying because she's overwhelmed with just having had to shave her head and having to deal with the onslaught of the drugs that will make her ill but save her life is heartbreaking. Getting pumped full of chemicals that one must sign a release form stating that one understands the grave, possible side effects is more than this one even wants to think about (I sign because it's a risk I'm willing to take to keep my cancer in remission).

Suffice it to say it's good to be home. I'm blessed to receive the care I do. Blessed to have a sister who lives a mile away and who could take me to treatment, get me lunch, pick me up and run me to the grocery before I came home to crash. Blessed that so far I can afford the care (though I often pray to God that He'll set up a fundraiser to help me with the financial burden that weighs heavy on my mind). Blessed that I have the strongest prayer posse a woman could ask for. Blessed because I am loved.

peace on the path

milestones

There have been times in my life when indeed I felt like my life had gone to the dogs.

Did you know the phrase "gone to the dogs" is believed to have originated in ancient China where dogs were sent to live outside the walls of the city? Then when criminals and outcasts were banished from within the city walls they had "gone to the dogs." Today the phrase is used to describe people, places or things that are no longer as good as they once were.

My life is incredibly challenging at time, as all life is, but it has in no way gone to the dogs. In honor of passing another year in the blogosphere with JoinMeOnThePath, here's a list of the reasons my life cannot be described as having gone to the dogs (though if it mean living with Coco, the pup above, how bad could it be?!)

1. I am healthy - recent CT scans came back clean.
2. I do work that I love AND get paid for it.
3. My daughter is healthy and preparing to give birth to her first child - I'll be a Nana before the summer is over!
4. I have money enough to house, feed and clothe myself. And I manage to find the funds to pay for the healthcare that keeps me cancer free.
5. I have Boo the cat to keep me company every day, no matter what gifts or challenges appear on the path.
6. I have faith in my Higher Power; that if God brings me to it, He'll bring me through it.
7. I am blessed.
8. I am loved.
9. I am happy and at peace.

peace & love

bikini gardening

In my own container garden, yes, I wear my bikini. Because whether it’s good for me or not I’m also a sun worshipper. I think of those 30 minutes in the early morning sunshine as my natural dose of Vitamin D. At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

My bikini gardening may or may not be a pretty sight depending on your point of view. If the thought of an almost-grandma with a bit more junk in the trunk than is necessary (and who probably has no business still wearing a bikini) is appealing, then I’m your man. So shoot me if I just want to be like Hilda!

But today there’s no bikini wearing because I’m going to be helping install the Horticulture & Project EverGreen garden in Delhi with scads of people I don’t even know. Horticulture and Project EverGreen have teamed with local nurseries and Master Gardeners to install what we’re calling a Contour Infiltration Planting (CIP). The CIP will serve as a model and training facility for the MGs to teach other gardeners about the importance of using plant materials to absorb rainwater runoff in an effort to lessen the stress on the sewer systems. Because there is so much concrete and man-made structures in our world, they don’t allow for natural absorption of heavy rainfall and then the sewer system is taxed. Zillions (that’s the unofficial term) of gallons of waste water get dumped into the Ohio River as a result because the sewer system is antiquated and can’t handle the unnatural amounts of water that hit it. The overflow mixes with the waste water and off it goes, untreated, into the river.

Horticulture will run a story in the October/November 2009 issue about the project, and God knows, dear readers, you do not need to see me in my bikini. Plus, local news media (Enquirer and Local 12) will be on hand to record the fun today. I’m wearing my respectable stuff, so you can check it out without fear of getting to know more of me than is truly necessary.

Stay tuned for updates, and in the meantime, happy gardening.

Peace & love

that girl just said a mouthful

"This much I do know—I'm exhausted by the cumulative consequences of a lifetime of hasty choices and chaotic passions."  ~Elizabeth Gilbert in Eat, Pray, Love (Penguin Books, 2006)

* * *
Yes, I'm reading E,P,L for the third time, and loving it more with each new visit. Why? Because Liz Gilbert has an honest,sometimes funny, often heartbreaking voice in which to tell her story. She reminds me that we're all just trying to find our way to the truth that is our life.

What book do you keep going back to?

ask yourself

These are tough times in many ways, and the answer to this question may be very different today than it was for you last week or last month or last year. But be brave and ask yourself, "What does it take to make me happy?"

Then be even braver still and answer that question. I'll go first ...

1. The sound of my daughter's voice on the phone ... "Hi, Mom ..."

2. Waking up on a rainy Saturday morning knowing I have the entire day to read or practice yoga or clean my house (because I have a job that allows me these luxuries)

3. Watching Boo on a springtime morning bury her head in a flat of pansies and purr as if she's found Holy Grail

4. Closing my eyes as I Iisten to the first chords of Samba Pa Ti by Carlos Santana (recalling that hot summer night when I held my lover in my arms at Riverbend and didn't even know that those chords would forever be the touchstone to remind me that I have been deeply loved)

5. Putting words to paper (or blog) and sharing them with kindred spirits

Your turn ... What does it take to make you happy?

wishing you peace & love in abundance

spoiler alert

I'm talking Grey's Anatomy and if you plan to watch it stop reading now.

Better season finale than I expected. Unfortunately, I knew it was George the first time he grabbed Meredith's hand and tried to write. A similar story line happened on ER years ago, and ER did it much better. They had this dude come in who was mangled beyond recognition and someone said, page Dr. XXXX. They paged the doctor and the mangled dude's pager went off! Intense!

I'm thrilled that Meredith and Derek are behavior more like normal adults. I hope they never get married (officially).

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Miranda Bailey. When I grow up I want to be like her!

Alex's tears near the end broke my heart.

Can't stand the whole Callie & Arizona thing. There's just no chemistry...blech...and it's annoying.

What did Christina say Yes to? I missed something ...

Thoughts?

like a fire in my blood

Cue the synthesizer and the drums,

turn it up LOUD,

sing at the top of your lungs and dance your ass off!

Show someone the love today.

                   Happy Love Thursday.

(A.M.! HELP -- why am I so technologically challenged?)

major truth day

In high school one of our teachers (Mr. Fletcher) told us about a trust-building exercise in which each person in the group revealed a major truth about his- or herself, thereby creating a greater sense of understanding of one another and stronger connections and trust.

To me it seemed foolish to share information that could then be used as blackmail against me. No one in the class agreed to play along with him, in fact.

Now, just a few years later (don't choke on your coffee, RKB!), I better understand that it wasn't about blackmail but that in sharing our deepest truths we reveal who we are and others can connect with us more than superficially.

So in honor of Major Truth Day (I just made that up), here are a couple of my major truths:

1. I often lick my plate to get that last tasty morsel. As my friend Joan says, If you don't the cat will!

2. I play with my Photo Booth application frequently, not only to have a fresh picture of myself to upload to my various social media outlets but to see how long my hair has gotten.

OK, now it's your turn. Tell me one of your major truths. (I know this is pretty silly, but it proves beyond a reasonable doubt that I do have a sense of humor, Meggie.)

peace, love and laughter