join me on the path

oh, happy day

This coming weekend is the wedding of my dear friend E. She and I have lived a lot of life together in the decade we've been friends, and I'm honored to have been asked to stand as a bridesmaid with her this coming Saturday as she makes her vows to love, honor and cherish Brandt.

In our mobile society, people come and go from our lives with regularity as their lives take them to different states or countries, or we move elsewhere for whatever reasons pull us onward on the path. But occasionally a friend enters our lives and though we don't realize it in the moment of meeting, that person becomes a permanent part of our village.

E is one of those of friends. We met about a decade ago at Women Writing for (a) Change. We were in small group together there and we shared our writings and our lives. She made me laugh like no else could and she was able to create titles for my pieces when I was at a loss. From those small circles we stepped into each others' larger circle of life—my daughter calls her Aunt Erin. E likes to remind Megan (my daughter) that she remembers when Megan was a teenager in love with the Backstreet Boys.

Oh, how far we've come from those days when Meg was dreaming of boy rock stars, and E and I were struggling to figure just what we were doing with our wild and precious lives. Megan is married and expecting her first child in a about six weeks, and she and her husband will be here for E's wedding this weekend. E will marry for the first (and hopefully last!) time on Saturday and will turn 41 on Sunday. And I am ever grateful to be alive and healthy to share in these milestone life events with two of my favorite women.

Oh, happy day.

hot fun in the summertime

It's the official first day of summer and I'm headed to the woods for a hike. It's been quiet here on the path because I've been resting and recuperating from the most recent round of Rituxin. All is well; this is preventative medicine.

A quick update before I hit the trails:

The container garden is in full bloom. It's wonderful to drink my coffee among the blossoms every morning.

Baby Bull is due in about 5-6 weeks. Please keep her in your prayers for a safe and healthy arrival.

E's wedding is next weekend and I'm looking forward to the celebration and to being a bridesmaid.

Peace & love

in search of

In search of my mother's garden

I found my own.
               
                ~Alice Walker

lustfully I am

knowingI don't need one

feeling like I want one

and that I want it now

I love you, Steve Jobs.

new normal

My life still is divided into "before" chemo and "after."  Before chemo, I had lightening fast reflexes and a mind that juggled ideas and tasks like a flying Karamozov. I had the energy of ten Grinches plus two. Wonder Woman has nothing' on me.

But the "new normal" in my life is that sometimes I can't find the word for the simplest things: like that place you go to buy food (grocery). I clean my tiny condo over a course of days (instead of in two hours on Saturday morning). I have to say "no, i can't" even when I want to help with all my heart.

Lest you think I'm whining and crying for pity, let me also tell you that thanks to the new normal I now appreciate the smallest details of every single day in ways I didn't know existed when I was juggling and racing around to beat the band. I see sunsets of pink on June evenings that would've gone ignored. I listen to music (like Carlos Santana on guitar) with an appreciation of a deaf soul who's been blessed with hearing. I pray in words I didn't know existed.

It still challenges me when I have to say 'no' when I want to 'yes.' Thank you, Meggie, for understanding why I don't have the energy to make the trip over for your only baby shower this weekend. I'll be with you in spirit. Thank you, Marty, for understanding when I only realized it was your birthday yesterday while I was eating breakfast and it was far too late to send a card.

I love my life. I love sitting here watching the sun come up, seeing Boo roll around in the warm sunbeams, listening to the birds come awake. This new normal is not what I would have chosen but is exactly what I need.

Peace & love.

it's never too late

For many years I made decisions without thought or concern for others. The instant gratification of getting what I thought I wanted fueled remorse and regret that ran so deep that I couldn't find my way out of the mire. And being so stuck in it, I'd usually make yet another decision (that was really more of a reaction) to try and get myself out of whatever complication in which I found myself.

There wasn't much peace in my heart or soul in, and many innocent bystanders were injured by my self-centered ways. In recent years I've found myself living on my own and finding the courage to look honestly at my past and to clear up the wreckage. Not an easy chore, but the results have brought peace to my heart and soul. And it's true in my case that it's never too late to be the person you always wanted to be.

Peace be upon us all.

the more you watch

What passes for "news" today sickens me. Call me Pollyanna or an ostrich, but do we really need to broadcast every act of violence, sexual misconduct and hatred under the guise of "this is what you need to know?"

Years ago my mother quit watching the daily newscasts and I gave her nothing but grief for being the "ostrich" I now want to emulate. I'd goad her with a tone of incredulous disgust: How can you not want to know what's happening in the world?!

These are, indeed, hard times. But there IS plenty of good happening on our planet. It's just that good news doesn't seem to sell. Jackson Browne sings in his song Information Wars: "The more you watch the less you do." To that thought I must shout a heartfelt Amen.

Try turning off the information wars taking place on your laptop or flatscreen. No need to bury your head in the sand with me, but limit the flood of bad news, gloom and despair that flows constantly. Do something positive today and make a difference in the world (even if no one chooses to share your contributions on the news).

peace & love